How to Build Confidence?

There is a lot of commotion these days about confidence. We have to be self-assured, we are told, otherwise we may as well forget about success and reaching our goals. Insecurity is a shameful disease in our 21st century—a weakness and a character flaw, which prevents us from becoming our true selves.

A prestigious education and wealth may have some uplifting effects on one’s confidence, but they are not the originators of our self-esteem, nor can they be a sustainable source.

Self-esteem has been extensively studied by many of the great minds of psychology, because of its believed connection to many of the things we deem of importance in our lives—as mental health, physical wellbeing, fulfilment, happiness, self-acceptance.

Success and achievements are generally the product of our character strengths and belief in ourselves, and not the other way around.

If you ever lack confidence, the easiest way to boost it by dressing like an authority. If you’re perceived like somebody important, you will start feeling like one!

Confidence often feels as an elusive aspiration—much like the mysterious phantom kingdom of Shambhala. It’s a wonderland we all want to reach, but no one is absolutely certain of the exact road which leads to it.

Smart outfit is an international symbol of status, so no matter in which country you are, you can always wear it.

The social media effect on our self-esteem is not devoid of controversy. One scientific camp claims that comparisons to others’ selectively-crafted “reality” can lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction with our bodies and lives.

Things such as suits, shirts, nice shoes, accessories, gadgets – they all add to our confidence.

However, social media has also been found to promote social acceptance and tends to make us feel less alone. Approach with caution and don’t believe everything you see, may be the best strategies here.

It may come from a variety of sources—our backgrounds, measuring up to peers, a bad hair day, getting a C on an important test, not speaking up when we should. The point is that there is a set of things that matter to us—for instance, our family, our careers, our appearances, etc. Events which affect these, also impact our self-esteem.

The way you talk and the way you project your voice is directly linked to your confidence.

Being an introvert is not the cause of one’s low self-esteem. Many introverts have healthy confidence. However, people who lack self-assurance are, more often than not, introverted, due to seeking social aversion.

Gestures and posture are more than mere reflections of our self-assurance. They can be purposely used by us to project confidence on the outside, which will, in turn, make us feel more powerful and in control. (Refer to Prof. Amy Cuddy’s great Ted talk on power posing)

Shy people tend to keep their voice low. They don’t want to draw attention, which they would if they spoke up.

“Fake it till you make it” is harder to follow than it sounds. It’s challenging to maintain confident behavior for straight 8 hours at work, every day, unless we hold at least partial belief that the man in the mirror is worth it.

You probably have noticed it yourself in meetings.

There is always that one guys, the loudest of all, very self-confident, maybe sometimes arrogant, who doesn’t care much about what others think.

True confidence follows a model which can be described as ABC: it needs to be based on some actual Abilities; we need to Believe in these skills, talents or mojos that we have; and confidence is often Contingent on various things and may differ in each domain—for example, one can be confident that they are a good worker, but not so certain in their parenting skills.

“To establish true self-confidence, we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” -- Denis Waitley

Too many people are discouraged about their abilities because they set themselves goals that are too difficult to achieve. Start by setting yourself small goals that you can win easily.

And then there are those who don’t talk much, they stay quiet, and even when asked – they speak in such a way that people can’t really hear them.

Self-esteem is also shaped by our self-perceptions, which, in turn, contain 3 main ingredients— what we think about ourselves, what others think of us, and what we think others think of us.

They also tell the story of our characters, of our brand to the world. Use them wisely.

Next time you’re in a meeting speak up, project your voice, be loud. You’ll see what kind of an impact it has on your confidence.

We shouldn’t grant appearances too much power over our confidence—while a desire to look good is not a futile aspiration, physical flawlessness is not a sustainable source of self-esteem. (Think all the celebrities who profess self-esteem struggles, despite “having it all.”)